We have a saying in Arabic that translates into something like this: “If it was gonna rain, there would have been clouds,” and also another one that goes like “the letter is read/understood from its headline,” where the bottom line means that it doesn’t look like I was meant to get married… not in this life. Hopeless case.
My relationship luck
I was never so lucky in love… My love life was never a successful part of my life. I’ve always been “single” in a way.
I am not good at all in love relationships. I’m rather a “dude” kinda girl or so I thought! A tom boy. Of 42 years old, still. It was much more fun to be one of the guys. Guys have fun. So instead of messing with them and getting heartaches, I’d rather blend in. It automatically switched the guys off and I became one of them, and get all the laughs.
“But why didn’t she marry yet?” with echo. We had many things to blame my celibacy on. That was the real question.
My poor old grandmother died before seeing me as a bride, with the wedding dress… she couldn’t wait forever.
During my growing years, my father always insisted on having degrees and higher education, to reach higher positions. He completely forgot to mention marriage or kids, even as a possibility. He only remembered to mention it when I got around 25 years old… I really had no clue that our journey had to include a spouse and kids… My father always drove us to be independent and ambitious, have degrees. A passport in life, he said.
In my 30’s, My dad use to tell me that I scared the guys, that I came on too strong with them, that I contradicted them consistently, that I lacked femininity; and also that I was too chubby for guys to look at me. “Your neck is the size of my thigh,” he said. That was very encouraging! And mean.
He never said that getting married and having kids was an objective in life!!! Getting a job is an objective, or climbing the Himalayas; one cannot plan it alone!
Before that, in my 20’s, one morning, I woke up and found myself alone. In college, with my friends both girls and boys, we never even mentioned that we were going to marry etc. That wasn’t the plan! We had so many funky expectations. So what happened? How? When? Why? Did each one plan it alone? When did it become the priority to marry?
“There should be single people, and married people, harmoniously, in balance. Some should have kids, some not!”
They all married one after the other. Just like that. Had kids one after the other. And now each one of them lives in a different world. And me, still single, with a great career ahead of me.
So I kept on evolving with time and age… Alone. I’ve been on the market for 20 years now… funny and interesting years. I remember them like sequences in my life.
There was the “the travel agency” phase: every time I would date someone, he would get an opportunity for a job outside the country. It became a joke! We even came up with a promotion with air miles to win a trip by dating me! Another one would get an upgrade, or a fridge and washing machine, it was really funny, and I never took it bad. I just accepted it. There was also the BITCH (Babe in Total Control of Herself) chapter when I sold myself on the internet.
I’m 42 and have a rich life with many funny stories but still not marriage.
My shrink says that I have issues with commitment. I would feel like a bird in a cage. I certainly do have issues.
My aunt thinks I was too spoiled, that nothing satisfies me…
My girlfriends still throw flower bouquets at me… hopelessly.
But don’t worry too much about me; I’ve had my share of fun and lots of boyfriends, and the whole scenario. Traffic was always active but relationships were not my strength, and they never lasted long. Having the choice was good.
I always thought that getting married was simply not meant to be for me.
Marriage… I never really saw it happening. Never dreamt about it. Not about the D day. Not the dress. Not the list. Not the prince. Not the horse. Nothing. It was never part of my plans!
Also from a different angle, the probability of finding my soul mate was very little as we, in Lebanon, have 6 girls for 1 single guy. Demographic statistics. I will not compete for a guy with 6 others! (Lebanese girls are hot!)
Coincidence or fate? What I’ve been “told”.
In the Arab world, we get our fortune told through a coffee cup that we drank black thick coffee with, Turkish coffee.
In my 20’s, we would check a fortune teller many times per year, just for fun!
Can you believe that none of the fortune tellers I’ve seen in my whole life (and I’ve seen many), have ever told me that one day, even in the far future, I will marry?
Not with tarot cards, not with black coffee, cards, or crystal ball. Nothing.
It was always about achievements, communication, travel, and creativity… opportunities and success. Never about love.
My friends would get the love stories, the boyfriends who will come back, the hot adventure and endless romance.
I never got stories…
Don’t you think it all means something? They could’ve lied at least once.
The last time I was “told” something
I was visiting my brother in Singapore, about 2 years ago.
Sitting in the conference room, a Chinese Master was reading our fortune, my brother, his Chinese partner, and me.
The Master couldn’t speak English, and Gina, the Chinese partner, was kindly translating for us.
He took my date of birth, and started talking Chinese. He didn’t look very happy.
Gina looked at us, and in a very shy manner said that I should not get married!
My brother and I immediately asked to make sure if it was “shouldn’t” or “wouldn’t” or “will not”. We were in shock. Sometimes specific words make a big difference of course!
“Shouldn’t” was the answer. He said that I will be miserable and nagging all the time. Better to study, he said.
In a way, I was very happy as I would use it as an excuse for staying free. Like a proof.
Also, what if I wasn’t really meant to be? What if it was “maktub”?
“Maktub” In Arabic translates into “written”, as in written in destiny.
So why can’t we all just admit that it’s not “maktub” that I get married? I really don’t mind, I swear…
Why can’t we look at it as yin and yang? There should be single people, and married people, harmoniously, in balance. Some should have kids, some not! Some will leave kids when they die, thinking they are extending the generation in their families. I say that
it doesn’t matter. We can leave a good book, or a piece of art. I’m sure it doesn’t matter if Einstein had kids or not. What he left is so valuable forever, kids or no kids! He left the formula. That’s his baby.
I recently found a very cute book, full of cartoons and short stories, called “Even God is Single!” It really depends on how you look at things. Very cute.
Feng Shui Investigations
Now forget everything you just read above with the fortune and girly thoughts, and let’s get serious.
This is the efficient part.
We all know that SW is the universal direction of love and relationships for all in general. Being Kua One, SW becomes bad and my personal love becomes South according to the Kua formula.
The truth is not that I’m too fat or chubby or too cool. Nobody is stealing my boyfriends, not 1, not 6 other babes, and it’s not meant to be.
Since 1986, (beginning of period 7), I’ve been living in houses where toilets were in the SW.
That’s the whole truth! That’s the unbelievable coincidence! 3 houses, 3 toilets. 20 years.
One of the first things I read about feng shui was about having a toilet in SW… it was Lillian’s first illustrated Feng Shui book. Back then, I knew nothing about cures and remedies, or the cycle of elements. It only said that it was very, very bad. A disaster.
That it meant separation and bad relationships. Like Prince Charles and Diana.
On holidays, I often went back to my parent’s house. So I checked my compass, and my toilet was also in SW!
Then 6 years ago I moved to a house in Lebanon, also with a toilet in SW! It wasn’t a priority…
Nothing is always perfect I had to compromise.
Can you believe it? Tell me it’s just a coincidence. Go ahead!
This is really “maktub”… that’s the real answer to the main question.
No wonder my relationships never lasted! It all made sense. But there was still traffic no matter what.
After all, I was a loving person, romantic and “marriage material”!
In that book, Lillian said to paint the toilet door in red, or have a mirror stuck on the door, which I did in 3 different versions. I have to admit that it helped a lot. Now I found a curtain made of fine red thread.
So for all that time I lived at my parents, I saw these nice guys passing by, and heading to be flushed away in the toilet…
It wasn’t fate or anything like that! Just architecture!
And Feng Shui beat them all!
Feng Shui Results
Lillian had told us one day not to activate anything if we were not sure. Coz it works.
About 3 years ago, I got lonely. So I activated many formulas at the same time.
So I thought that activating my own love direction according to the Kua formula would help. So I put a double-happiness calligraphy hanger there, and a pair of lovers made of clay in the small South of my living room and my bedroom, as I’m kua 1 and South is
my love direction…
I never really put my weight on activating the SW corner as Lillian said. So I didn’t.
Until 3 years ago. I figured out that I could need a boyfriend in my life, and that I didn’t really want to die alone after all, regardless of commitment or marriage.
So I used the mirror ritual, placed a 6-rod metal windchime inside the toilets in the SW, and also applied the peach blossom formula by placing a Rooster in the West, being a Monkey.
I also launched many balloons with precise wishes written on them.
And it worked. Fast. And it’s been lasting till now!
My shrink thinks that I got rid of most of my fears. Great!
My father is very happy to welcome my “future man”. He is constantly praying and waiting for my engagement.
And me, I’m very happy to have a balanced love life for now. Not more.
I’m a Monkey and he’s a Snake. Secret friends.
The future looks bright!
I am also, more than ever, convinced with the efficiency of Feng Shui. It works, and it rocks!
So for those with toilets in the SW, don’t worry, and don’t blame yourself. Just use a cure and open up for love and romance.
P.S.: I am not married yet, but there is someone I “might” marry. A potential future husband. I’ll keep you posted.
The following article is taken from the "Feng Shui World ( May/June 2010)". To subscribe, please click here.